Monday, March 26, 2007

Spanning the Glob

You heard me right.

In yet another sign that our "society" has gone completely bonkers,
I just turned off the news in disgust. Normally, the news has that effect on me anyway, but I'm calling the whole industry out on this one, and let me say this with some asperity: You all ought to be kicked in the groin over this whole idiotic orgy about Anna Nicole Smith's death. Let's make this easy:

She was a bimbo. She's dead. Accidental drug overdose. Condolences to the family.

And that should bloody well be the END of it!!

The reason that I'm up in arms about it at the moment is that at about 5:20, my esteemed spouse came out here to the Aubergine Enclave (which is my refuge) and told me that the local cable news channel had just flashed a bulletin about some airliner from Korea having just landed in New Jersey, that called the CDC in Atlanta about having "some sick people aboard". Now, that's potentially VERY serious, isn't it? Remember, the last two epidemic threats both came out of southeast Asia (SARS & avian flu), so what's going on here? My mind, for one, was inquiring and wanted to know.

So, I clicked on CNN Headline News at 5:30, figuring that they'd be right on it. Fat chance (he said, skipping past irony and heading straight for satire); there was no mention of it in over ten minutes of coverage. No, the first six minutes of the channel that's supposed to summarize the top news for you every half hour was all about what? You betcha: Smith. Featuring multiple shots of her & her boobs (mostly her boobs) at a rate nearly approaching that of blipverts (Oh, Google it, will ya?). As a "disputant theorist", they had an interview with the editor of a celebrity gossip magazine who was crying out about conspiracies and cover-ups, which is stupid, because the woman very seldom covered much up and left little to the imagination. So why so much imagination over her death?

Search me. I just don't care. President Ford didn't get this much intense coverage when he died. Granted, he was 92, so it was less of a surprise, and his boobs weren't nearly as good, but that isn't the point! Elvis didn't get this kind of coverage. Did we get a toxicology report on him and start a national debate over it? No! Because he was, gifted singer that he was, essentially a fat redneck who wasn't all that bright (cross reference Anna & "The Colonel" & how both of them ripped off stupid rich men). Sorry to all the idolizers out there, but the truth is the truth.

Finally, this episode of "journalism" having ended, they went to a report about the friendly fire death of NFL star Pat Tillman in Afghanistan. THAT should have come first, dammit! A US Soldier was killed by our own, and as it turns out, there was a big cover-up about it. Among those to be disciplined are four generals. Granted, this got more press than other such deaths because he was a famous football player, but that very fact and the extra attention led to us learning about some extremely important things about our military & the government.

Only to be trumped by a bleached-blonde bimbo who had nine prescription drugs in her system, who was arguably not bright enough to follow all the directions properly, even if she wasn't probably prone to substance abuse, anyway.

Meanwhile, if people around you start dropping dead from some mystery Asian virus that nobody had any warnings about, when it's your turn, at least you can die with the satisfaction that we all knew that Anna Nicole Smith was dead and exactly how dead she was, and that all the pertinent forensic questions of experts such as Joan Rivers were put to rest.

Of course, the only reason they'll have been put to rest is that Joan, the gossip columnists, and the negligent CNN Headline News will all have already succumbed to the mystery plague. If only they'd saved a minute or two to report on it....

No comments: