tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-241650552012-02-14T02:21:43.892-05:00<b>Observations of an expatriate New England artist....</b> Variously Humorous, Satirical, Whimsical, Snide, or utterly Disrespectful.... with Righteous Rants &amp; some Stories from the Heart. Infused with a distrust of &quot;reality&quot; &amp; a bad tendency towards digressionThe Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.comBlogger811100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-4560395109399109732011-10-05T10:00:00.014-04:002011-10-05T11:07:17.454-04:00

by Susan Wingate (author of award-winning novels DROWNING and BOBBY'S DINER)In Fantasy: Writing alone = HeavenIn Reality: Writing alone = HeavenIn Fantasy: Being alone = HeavenIn Reality: Being alone = LonelinessFor years I've told people how much I love being alone. And, if you want to know the truth of it, most of the time that's the way I feel if we consider other people--those others "out

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-20589651476185184872011-09-20T08:43:00.004-04:002011-10-05T10:04:01.059-04:00

Ode to the Queen of PinsO hail the ever gracious QueenWho wields the Holy PinThat drapes with mickle pointy lanceSupple, shim'ring muslinShe wears the sacred bandoliersAdorned with safety claspsHow weighty yet how fastenatingThese seamstressary hasps!E'en yet the jave' like arrow stavesMeld in the royal scabbardTo stay the 'stumely motif madeTo form a proper tabardShe even can, when need

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-72287935937875531282011-08-25T21:32:00.005-04:002011-09-20T08:45:39.166-04:00

I had a very good time on Dialogue: Between the Lines, and enjoyed it very much. Thanks once again to Susan Wingate and Joshua Graham. Please visit their individual websites by clicking their names.I did read a couple of excerpts from the book.... I hope everyone likes it, because I have been extremely reticent about letting anyone read a work-in-progress like this one. Perhaps I'll do so more

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-2208231386785242492011-08-24T21:28:00.004-04:002011-08-25T21:42:22.285-04:00

I'll be interviewed tomorrow at 1 p.m. Eastern time on Dialogue Between the Lines with Susan Wingate and Joshua Graham. We're going to talk about books, writing, and other creative-type stuff. For those of who who cannot listen live, it will be available on the archive page, the link for which I'll post as soon as it's up. Among other things, we'll probably answer the question about why I

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-57405206429148904522010-06-25T17:54:00.006-04:002011-08-24T21:39:24.580-04:00

Every now and then, there's no avoiding it: I have to straighten out my e-mail address book. Otherwise, chaos ensues, and chaos is never a welcome partner before the 14th cup of coffee. For instance, even though I have my e-mail controls set on "Die Spam Die!", some junk addresses do sneak through. Sometimes, I accidentally make duplicate entries (usually before that critical 14th cup of coffee)

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-26497606889821732072010-03-30T15:31:00.025-04:002010-06-25T18:39:25.464-04:00

I don't know how many times Neil Young has been to Alabama; this is my first time. I do know that he managed to irritate Lynyrd Skynyrd with his songs "Alabama" and "Southern Man". Being a Neil Young fan for an uncomfortably long time, I don't care. Lynyrd Skynyrd can eat my shorts.However, already I digress.My adventure began with arising at 12:30 a.m. after a really early bedtime to drive to

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-68399219756309331442009-07-02T20:14:00.018-04:002009-07-03T19:32:47.459-04:00

Well, a lot of people, anyway.-They're furry and warm. While some people are somewhat furry, they aren't so much as cats, and a cat's body temperature is higher unless the person has a fever, which is beside the point.-They fit neatly into your lap. Even a Maine Coon Cat can manage it. If you're talking leopard, well, that's a whole other kind of cat. We're talking Felis domesticus here.-Cats

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-8878859496334766342009-06-21T17:06:00.007-04:002009-06-21T20:13:06.882-04:00

Ten years is a long time.I'm not that big a fan of Father's Day anymore. There are reasons for this, aye, and good ones in my own mind, but it comes around once a year whether I like it or not. For those of you that still have fathers living, by all means make an effort to appreciate one another today. Your time to do so is limited, and like all lives, they can end suddenly (yours or his). One of

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-87726854420787027802009-04-28T09:59:00.006-04:002009-06-21T20:07:04.020-04:00

I am pondering this question, as it gets more difficult by day to bite my lip and abide by the "rules" I adopted when I started The Eye Wit.To wit, this is meant to be a "general audiences" blog in which I don't attack subjects that are extremely controversial, and avoid such things as rabid profanity, although I'm very good at it. I am from Rhode Island, and if you'd paid any attention in

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-17916817030572753572009-03-05T19:46:00.009-05:002009-04-28T10:34:36.162-04:00

"It's just life!", as everyone will tell you.Everyone, that is, who's not in on the disappointment. Because it's so easy for them to say.Herein lies yet another of life's opportunities for laziness: Using words to indicate sympathy, while not putting forth a lot of effort to actually become sympathetic. Am I implying that a lot of sympathy is feigned? No, of course not. I'm saying it straight out

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-38279688020606374682009-02-07T20:57:00.009-05:002009-03-06T17:02:11.621-05:00

Really, I shouldn't touch this subject, but it's hard to resist!I got the idea from a friend who wrote a list of trivia about herself, and called it "25 Reasons Why I'd Get Excommunicated from My Childhood Church." It turns out that she was not, in fact, raised as a Catholic, , nor was the list made up of that kind of trivia, but it immediately brought up a host (no pun intended) of memories that

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1613006154122331612009-01-31T11:51:00.006-05:002009-02-08T13:08:16.315-05:00

I got goaded into putting up this list on Facebook, and I figured that I'd put it here, too, just for the fun of it.It's one of those things that you're supposed to do and then tag 25 other people for them to do the same. So far, the results have indeed been interesting, as well as the comments on my own.25 Random Things About Me:1. I was originally a pre-med major.... so along with my degree in

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-20651729142374444272009-01-24T19:24:00.004-05:002009-01-31T11:57:24.269-05:00

One of the problems that comes with not having added a post in a long while is that there is this great inertia behind the idea that the next topic had better be a darned good one.Indeed, this is one of the many things that has kept me from posting. I can't say much for the part of last year when I had some surgery, things went wrong, and I took months to recover. In any case, I'm not going to

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-76628350437801382392008-11-04T11:09:00.004-05:002009-01-24T20:14:11.658-05:00

Get out and VOTE!I could say a lot more, and probably will, but I have very little patience for those who are eligible to vote and are either not registered or don't bother.Correct that; I have NO patience.Too much was paid to obtain that right and to keep it.All elections are important, but this one is particularly so. We have serious issues that this country must deal with. It's not a time to

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-11961555043234611472008-10-29T08:43:00.003-04:002008-11-04T11:22:39.882-05:00

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-49471896930570235552008-03-08T11:13:00.004-05:002008-10-29T08:47:06.608-04:00

And let's face it; they have it coming.My European friends tell me that in Europe, they tell "Belgian" jokes much as we used to tell Polish jokes. This, of course, has generally fallen out of favor because 1) We've maturely moved on to apply the same jokes to other ethnic groups, and 2) They aren't so damn funny to begin with, unless you're still stuck in a fourth-grade mentality, which is why

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-39552663499319488352008-02-14T11:01:00.004-05:002008-02-14T19:40:52.560-05:00

I hate "greeting card company" holidays. This is an axiom.Life isn't difficult enough without some stinking corporate group taking out a monopoly on yet another date on the calendar? We're not smart enough, on our own, to know when it's time to do "that something special" for someone?Actually, rhetorical in nature as they may be, the answer to both questions is "yes". Yes, life is plenty damned

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-42823616342140108732008-01-12T11:02:00.000-05:002008-01-12T11:59:53.945-05:00

It's one thing to have stupidity present. It's another thing entirely to institutionalize it.Case in point: We made the mistake a year ago of signing up for one of those IRS-approved Flex Spending Accounts for medical expenses. Such expenses do add up, and the advantage is supposed to be that you pay for them through this account with pre-tax dollars, therefore saving you money. I did the

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1980319146731039802007-12-28T23:04:00.000-05:002008-01-12T11:59:33.406-05:00

And not a moment too soon.It isn't that the year has been entirely bad, not at all. It's just that I'm ready for something fresh, something no one has ruined yet; a virgin year, if you will. After your average New Year's Eve party, there'll be very little virginity left, generally speaking, but that's not my personal problem. Nor will it be nine months from now, when those persons' "personal

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-21119303332355462312007-12-14T20:25:00.001-05:002007-12-28T23:41:05.785-05:00

Well, the Wit has been awfully busy the last couple of months, but will soon resume the festivities here.In the meantime....This is not usually the kind of thing I do here, but it so happens that some friends sent me links to three videos (about 5-6 minutes each) that really made a difference to me today. My thanks to them for lifting my spirits.First, watch this one: http://www.slide.com/r/

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-14384267231150436302007-09-17T12:09:00.000-04:002007-12-14T20:32:28.185-05:00

A question that I often ask myself, as I sometimes fail to pay enough attention to what I'm doing.My literary lapse, as it were, is caused by my rehearsing a play, and it's taking up most of my creative energy.... as well as my energy in general.(More to be added later....)

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-28797285980832027642007-08-31T23:08:00.000-04:002007-10-06T19:55:50.412-04:00

Last year, on Labor Day, I remarked upon the utter bloody uselessness of the holiday.This means that I have to come up with another way to mock it....No problem.First off, I'd like to say that if I hear one more person on TV call it "the last weekend of the summer", I'm going to do something extreme. To begin with, I live in Florida (for reasons that are not my fault), and we have nothing BUT

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-62107265188714472192007-08-21T08:34:00.001-04:002007-08-31T23:42:34.344-04:00

Today marks the 25th anniversary of the day my wife and I got married.25 years. 9,130 days. 219,120 hours. 13,147,200 minutes.All in a row.That's pretty impressive, eh? Evidently, it is, as we've been greeted by a plethora of reactions, ranging from hearty congratulations to jaw-dragging-on-the-ground disbelief. Then there were the few cases of outright anger. At first, we thought this might

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-9153923381148051152007-07-26T17:13:00.000-04:002007-08-17T19:12:27.828-04:00

It was via Craig Ferguson that the notice of the demise of my favorite tabloid came to me. Unlikely as it seems, the Earth will be a lesser place without the Weekly World News. For those of you who are too classy to have ever associated with it (which is most of you), the Weekly World News was one of that collection of brain-draining tabloids at the checkout at the supermarket, along with such

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-10717403973684589552007-07-23T19:40:00.000-04:002007-07-26T23:36:58.489-04:00

Scientists have long tried to analyze the relationship between humans and cats. They've come to all sorts of interesting conclusions.None of which are correct.How dare I, a mere mortal, make such a claim? Because I am a True Cat Person, and cats will only reveal that kind of information to True Cat Persons. If some bloody scientist comes along and sticks a cat under a microscope, the cat is

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-20744581969650420662007-07-10T22:14:00.000-04:002007-07-23T23:48:06.310-04:00

There are some scams that are so widespread, and allegedly so well-known to be wildebeest droppings that it seems that it has become impossible, in this modern day, for anybody to be loopy enough to fall for them.You'd think so. In fact, in most cases, the attempt looks so far-fetched, so beyond the pale, so superlatively superlative as to cause you to disbelieve it in less time than it takes to

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-53074580618704843002007-07-08T13:41:00.000-04:002007-07-10T22:14:16.361-04:00

The deed has been done. The "patient" has been pronounced dead. All of the evidence has been disposed of.Sorry, not referring to any person whom you've written me about, begging me to get rid of for you. I'm not in that sort of business. At least, not publicly. What, I'd come out & say I take contracts on a blog?Contracts, yes, but only for artistic performance and such.Yes, the Bashing of the

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-37988025835238706502007-07-04T20:15:00.000-04:002007-07-08T13:47:43.194-04:00

The problem with making a beginning here is that I used up a lot of my schtick about the Fourth of July last year.Yet, there's no denying that a lot of this is very familiar, old & tired. Three whole flags on my street; fireworks already starting to go off, mainly of the illegal variety.On general principle, I don't overly object. There's little I can do about it anyway, and besides, I am not

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-64748672397027128042007-06-19T22:27:00.000-04:002007-07-04T21:04:12.713-04:00

Sometimes, I feel like I really should put up a blog post.... but I don't particularly have a topic.Such is the case at the moment. Then again, I seldom let a lack of coherence stop me from writing about anything else. Why change now? I have no good reason to do that either.And there you are: People feel too compelled to have a good reason to do things.Sure, you're compelled to have a job (

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-68520051661770926382007-06-08T12:19:00.000-04:002007-06-20T00:07:07.208-04:00

It almost always starts off with some chick running through the woods at night. This is not a problem, as most people like chicks. I know I do. Nine times out of ten, the young woman is a brunette (heaven forbid they knock off a blonde first) and lightly built, so as not to give herself a couple of black eyes before she gets killed. Naturally, we get only the briefest glimpse of the monster or

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-71032489415681479612007-06-02T23:50:00.000-04:002007-06-09T20:56:26.264-04:00

If I hear that phrase ONE MORE TIME from a meteorologist talking about a tropical storm or a hurricane, I'm going to scream.I'm going to be doing a lot of screaming.Last Friday was the official start of the 2007 Atlantic hurricane season, and just to make it official, we had a tropical storm around town: Barry. Now, I won't say anything bad about Barry, as it brought us some desperately-needed

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-34992195131884159022007-05-28T12:04:00.000-04:002007-06-03T23:30:48.153-04:00

Does anyone remember that today is the official observance of Memorial Day? How many have any recollection as to what it's about, other than sales, the beach, barbecue, the "first weekend of the summer" and the Indy 500?Damned few, apparently.Collectively, we ought to be ashamed of ourselves.However, there'll be little shame shown; the only thing that there'll be less of is honor paid to the

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-36579481101443363162007-05-20T21:10:00.000-04:002007-05-28T13:36:57.417-04:00

Time is a royal pain; it's a pain in several prominent places, which I need not mention, and the more time that passes, the more places upon which it inflicts pain.Now, in theory, this is perfectly alright (though I'd like to know according to exactly who) because it's happening to everyone else at the same time and at the same rate. On a practical basis, we know that this is nonsense. Clearly

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-60618619054866070752007-04-30T19:04:00.000-04:002008-12-09T11:00:01.807-05:00

In my all-too-distant last installment, we learned once again the irritating lesson that one must be careful when having fun.I don't remember any of us asking to be taught the lesson again, let alone me.The good news is, the operation went exceedingly well, and let me just say that the people at Coastal Orthopedics are the best. Here's a place that's everything you want a medical practice to be.

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-48931220362022349232007-04-14T00:11:00.001-04:002007-04-30T19:44:14.452-04:00

One of the thrills of live performance is, of course, not knowing exactly what's going to happen next. Ideally, it's the audience that gets surprised, not you.However, that bastard Murphy has been everywhere, including the world of theatre, where he is no more welcome than Don Imus is on the Rutgers campus.Now, Godspell is a very active show, even athletic at times. The cast is practically

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-24709497500043208102007-04-11T13:01:00.000-04:002007-04-11T13:14:35.652-04:00

Thanks to you who've written me saying nice things about my posts. Several said they would have added it as a comment, but it didn't work.There IS a problem there, and this is what it is:Microsoft Internet Explorer, any version, does not get along with the updated Blogger program.Oh, it'll bring the box up & let you think you'll be able to add a comment to the blog here, but when you hit "

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-36867871181120336542007-04-02T23:17:00.000-04:002007-04-13T23:11:49.835-04:00

A photo essay.This is the Eye Wit's new shed.Steel. 10 feet by twelve feet. That'll hold a LOT of bodies.Anchored against hurricanes, and theoretically can stand up to 100 mph winds. I'd rather not test that feature.Nice to have, yeah. The best part: I wasn't the one who assembled the darn thing. That part of the operation was a gift from my father-in-law, who is, by any account, a swell

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-41545102336078715252007-03-31T23:27:00.000-04:002007-04-02T23:53:35.265-04:00

I'm still not dead. My wife's plot to kill me has utterly failed.This is a bit of a surprise, since I thought that it was going to work.As previously mentioned, she drafted me into a play that she was directing. In short, the guy that was supposed to be playing the lead went completely bonkers for a while, and never showed up for rehearsals. In the cast was someone who'd played the part before

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-11929677723866346152007-03-28T23:09:00.000-04:002007-04-02T23:53:13.191-04:00

(Note: This is an ongoing thing that I originally started writing on the Humor Me Online Forum, and you can find it here: Dear Craig FergusonYou can get the idea of this post by checking out some of the history there, in which I, in my guise of the terminally corrupt Bucko, & Mariann Simms, the infamous Cadeaux & owner of Humor Me Online, rag on Craig for teasing us on the air and rail at him

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-11968588968622673332007-03-26T17:51:00.000-04:002007-03-28T23:42:02.148-04:00

You heard me right.In yet another sign that our "society" has gone completely bonkers, I just turned off the news in disgust. Normally, the news has that effect on me anyway, but I'm calling the whole industry out on this one, and let me say this with some asperity: You all ought to be kicked in the groin over this whole idiotic orgy about Anna Nicole Smith's death. Let's make this easy:She

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-62514590629362508822007-03-19T16:50:00.000-04:002007-03-26T18:38:26.692-04:00

It's been a while. The good news is: I ain't dead yet.Well, assuming that that's the sort of thing that you consider good news. Some parties, they may not be so happy about it. However, I try not to go to those sorts of parties.It's been an interesting month, and I've had a lot of ideas for entries here that I've no doubt forgotten, or will be incapable of remembering when I wish. Such is

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-31287380343489248962007-02-21T23:13:00.000-05:002007-03-24T21:22:47.237-04:00

Well, the Wit is getting run ragged by the rehearsals for the play he suddenly finds himself in.... Terribly bad form for me to go so long without a post. I'll try to be brilliant tomorrow (as if one can schedule such things).However, I leave you with this question to ponder:If they're really any good, why do psychics have to advertise their services?

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-79287549099789922512007-02-05T13:22:00.000-05:002007-03-24T21:22:32.813-04:00

Life has a way of lumping things together.Unfortunately, it seldom does so as we'd like. If you'd prefer that every crappy thing that's going to happen to you in 2007 just hit you now & get it over with, forget it. It's going to hang over you like an unstable stalactite all year without you having the first idea as to which calamity the last one will be, right up until 12:59 on December 31.

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-52585220336591422432007-01-26T00:00:00.000-05:002007-02-05T13:44:08.724-05:00

Working on a play, that's where I am.Fear not, more silliness and agressive digression will soon appear; I have several posts I'm in the middle of, and I'm procrastinating quite nicely about finishing them.Besides, my wife's the director, so I have to stay focused and do a frigging great job. Which does not involve doing things as I did this evening, such as running, hard, into the side of a

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-39742904537251174992007-01-16T11:06:00.000-05:002007-02-05T13:43:43.025-05:00

"Yeah!" said Lynn, "you could scheme to distribute all sorts of things through Mickey D's..."Speck arched an eyebrow. He was good at that. "Even food?" he asked sarcastically.Mel, unfortunately, was intrigued. "OK, say a pretty brunette comes into the drive-in. The guy in the window is prepared to give her anything she wants.""Amazing, since he can't see or smell her through the speaker.""

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-64064213897072678142007-01-13T19:53:00.000-05:002007-01-16T11:29:12.962-05:00

Time. Time passes. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. What that lazy geek Einstein failed to notice was that it passes most slowly when given something to juxtapose against.Such a juxtaposition is frequently offered by what is poorly-named a "fast-food restaurant", and most especially its speedy drive-through. The time spent there is inversely proportional to the IQ of the attendant, or his/

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-71665824842377595442007-01-13T19:39:00.000-05:002007-01-13T19:52:40.485-05:00

I don't actually remember when I started writing this story. My bad.I know how it got started; I was trolling for stories for the news-based Mediacrity contest at Humor Me Online. We take an odd, bizarre or sick yet real news item, and the players send in whatever kind of comeback hits their brains. Out of these, I pick a list of the funniest entries, select some winners, and we move onto the

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-26775946777800351642007-01-06T20:34:00.001-05:002007-01-13T19:51:55.656-05:00

What can you say about 2006.... you know, that doesn't include a lot of profanity?You'd expect that 2007 will just have to be better.Well, not necessarily. We said the same about 2006, remember.Here, then, are the most definitive prophecies that any will come out with for this year.By the way, ANYONE can make "predictions"; no, I shall vent forth these visions of the future as prophecies, for I

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-6720123611016090302007-01-01T00:08:00.000-05:002007-01-06T21:57:25.204-05:00

So 2007 just began, mere minutes ago as I write. Big, fat hairy deal.Look, it's not like it takes any effort for one year to change into the next. Stand on one foot, hold your breath until you pass out, fall over, hit your head on the corner of that possessed coffee table, wake up.... and the clock and calendar will still have ticked over.Thing is, it's all fake. The clock and the calendar,

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-78203667614612309582006-12-24T22:37:00.000-05:002006-12-27T16:13:34.714-05:00

Simple things. They can mean a lot.There is so much talk about the meaning of Christmas, and I won't presume to tell you what the definitive answer is. I think it's fairly self-evident by the name; how you react to that is your choice.There's also a lot of talk about the spirit of Christmas. Well, what does that mean? I think that what you say about the spirit of Christmas is insignificant

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-14394977788597709542006-12-20T20:47:00.000-05:002006-12-30T23:43:11.680-05:00

This time of year, many people make up lists of things they'd like to give to people in the public eye. Most of them are created with spite, mockery, and a certain measure of malicious glee.The latter tradition, I don't intend to break. However, I think it's high time that THEY consider what they can give us, or what thing they can do as a gift for us, the worthy people who are generally

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-6244262596734542402006-12-09T23:23:00.000-05:002006-12-30T23:43:28.010-05:00

This is just TOO good!Welcome to the wonderful world of live performance, where things don't always go right. As they say, the show must go on, but sometimes the answer to the problem isn't easy. This has to do with the production referred to in my last post, the Singing Christmas Tree.Now, every year, the show features two children playing Jesus: One playing the baby, and the other playing

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-89587858315672559962006-12-04T00:38:00.000-05:002008-12-09T11:00:02.184-05:00

I'll bet my Christmas tree is bigger than yours.It isn't mine, per se, but I feel as attached to it as anything in the world. You have a seven-foot tree? HAH! I laugh at your pitiful shrubbery! This sucker is thirty-five feet tall. No, I'm not cheating with an outside tree versus an inside tree (besides, there aren't any native Christmas-tree-like evergreens that grow anywhere near here. I

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-59889538361397582142006-11-28T15:21:00.000-05:002007-01-01T00:42:15.994-05:00

They're scary. They have mystical powers. They suck you into their evil purview and trick your mind into doing things and accepting results that no sane person would be sucked over.Who are these people? Why should you fear them?Every year, and cunningly do they show up earlier & earlier, as do the rest of their ilk. Frequently, they'll cloud your mind so that your senses will tell you that

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-70766174556775986512006-11-23T23:32:00.001-05:002006-12-30T23:43:56.915-05:00

Thanksgiving, already??Granted, this is the earliest date upon which it can occur, under the formula devised by FDR when under the influence of too many martinis. In his defense, were I married to a woman who looked like Eleanor, I'd drink, too. Poor guy,many's the night he started an evening of romance (in the dark, of course), only to find out that he'd been slipping Fala, their dog, some

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-33999347280494855632006-11-15T00:57:00.000-05:002006-12-20T23:20:53.642-05:00

Time is not generally considered a friend by most people; at least, not where their appearance is concerned.Since most of my fellow Baby Boomers are older than I am, I feel perfectly well qualified to point out how incredibly vain many of them are. The amount of money and trouble being expended on maintaining the appearance of youth is mind-boggling. I'd love to have a piece of that action.

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-89191574202372168912006-11-11T00:42:00.001-05:002006-12-20T23:21:10.219-05:00

It was a Tuesday. The garbage cans were emptied. And the baby was thrown out with the bath. Was it an accident? Mr. Pershing didn't think so. "That's the third time this week," he muttered to himself.Meanwhile, in the fourth star to the left in Magellan's Cloud, known by some as Fresno. But to most of the galaxy, it was called Drachma. Because from space, it looked just like a Greek

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1149099521921054432006-11-07T00:24:00.000-05:002006-12-20T23:21:25.080-05:00

It's really going to bug me to say this....The "9/12" piece & I have been chasing each other for quite a while. I put myself on the spot by saying that it was coming. I still intend to finish it, but my recent work on it had gotten tied in the the upcoming elections; this was a very natural association. However, it is now, technically, Election Day. The version I have now is keyed to be read

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-44380612409184498692006-11-04T00:52:00.000-05:002007-01-01T00:44:21.890-05:00

I welcome comments to be added to any posts on my blog. A few things to point out:-Anyone can comment; you don't have to have a Blogger account or a Gmail address.-Please don't be discouraged that your comment does not show up right away. I have my settings programmed to 1) Require you to type in the "word verification" code, and 2) They come to me for review before they're actually

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1162180299490606352006-10-29T22:39:00.000-05:002006-12-20T23:22:08.666-05:00

October is nearly over.It's nearly time for my annual abject October depression to fade. I get horribly melancholy in October because I'm living in Florida, and I get dreadfully homesick for the old Rhode Island stomping grounds (sometimes we walk, sometimes we run, sometimes we stomp because we're just in that kind of mood) and a genuine New England autumn. There's simply nothing like it; the

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1161656214434921002006-10-23T22:09:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:22:27.023-05:00

I knew it was coming. It didn't matter how stupid the idea was, nobody seems to have been able to stop this madness. Oh, it could have been halted, but the brown-nosed sycophants in corporate America will say yes to anything. It's too late now, they've gone and done it. The miserable troglodytes mailed me a new bane of existence, addressed to me personally. I guess I'm supposed to be grateful,

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1161324150186894002006-10-20T00:59:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:22:43.865-05:00

In this time of heightened international tensions, we might be overlooking something very serious. With Kim Jong Il trying to deal with his severe "overcompensation" issues, and the idea of Iran developing atomic bombs, I'd like to call this question to your attention:Should we, as a country, allow someone to have the secret codes that can be used to unleash the destruction of part or all of the

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1161236071868737232006-10-19T00:52:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:22:58.534-05:00

Not tonight; I have a headache.My mission, if I choose to accept it: Try to write something amusing, at least interesting, under the influence of a severe migraine.I was at the always-entertaining physical therapy for my neck yesterday; one more session to go. And let this be a lesson to everyone: Never, never sew carelessly. The therapist, who is very nice and sympathetic (a cunning mask he uses

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1160975810495518482006-10-16T01:03:00.000-04:002006-11-15T14:11:26.892-05:00

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1160715225033254972006-10-13T00:30:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:23:17.411-05:00

"What does that mean?" you ask.Go ahead. Ask, I can wait.I have a nickname for my computer/music room, which is under the roof of the house, but not connected by any interior doors. It is, among other things, my "writer's garret." Your more classic writer's garret is a room above a garage, or a room in a the quietest corner of the second story of a house in New England (call me prejudiced in that

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1159939990435517072006-10-04T01:21:00.000-04:002007-05-22T22:43:36.923-04:00

Once again, I reach into the burgeoning, aromatic mailbag, and try to answer a question about life.... The universe.... Anything. Most of the letters begin with the phrase "What the hell should I do? For God's sake, please help me!"Why exactly that keeps happening is still a mystery to me. It has been suggested that many of the people asking for wisdom from The Book had been drinking heavily at

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1159229734265378332006-09-25T20:12:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:23:52.744-05:00

Unavoidably, last Sunday was my birthday. I have long tried to convince people that due to certain inaccuracies in the Gregorian Calendar, September 24th is an invalid day, doesn't technically exist, and therefore, I never get any older.Almost nobody buys this. One of the most constantly cited reasons is that if Pope Gregory designed it, then it must be right the way it is, due to Papal

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1158556013959068752006-09-18T01:00:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:24:18.777-05:00

Writer's Blockade: A refreshing fruit drink that writers drink when they're stuck.There are two things wrong with that statement: One, it isn't in the least true. Two: Even were there such a thing, I'll bet that it wouldn't work.Which is to lead into this:No, I haven't finished the Eulogy for the America We Knew. Sorry....One reason is that I have a problem with my neck, nerves are under pressure

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1158212400576513352006-09-14T01:23:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:24:34.353-05:00

I am definitely going to finish the previous post, but I'm having a difficult week and haven't felt well enough to concentrate to write it as well and with as much clarity as it should be.Well, the words & concepts are on deck in my head, and I know where I'm going with it. However (whine), I have a serious problem with my neck, am waiting on test results, and am generally having a bad, painful

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1158104559799752892006-09-12T19:36:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:24:49.615-05:00

I do not want to write about 9/11 at all. I remember it too well, as nearly every American does. So, why add my voice to so many others? What is it that I'm being compelled to put into words, and why can I not not think about it? In my bio, I have an axiom: "You must always tell the truth of it." That includes the responsibility to speak when it's important. The path of the Bard in ancient

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1157335341424559422006-09-03T21:04:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:26:40.759-05:00

Scoff if you want to; holidays have become so ill-defined, it's like they were all put into a blender set on puree, rendering a repugnant muck.I call this color "blar". This is a term that was invented in my childhood, when, in spite of maternal commandments, we mixed all the Play-Doh colors together. What color is that? Well, I have now removed that question that's been nagging you in the back

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1157072754351754162006-08-31T20:50:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:30:34.050-05:00

Monday last, August 21st, my spouse and I observed our 24th wedding anniversary.We woke up that morning, and damn if it wasn't right there at the foot of the bed. Wow. One shy of the Silver Anniversary. That's a trifle disturbing; not that I won't be happy upon the occasion, it's just that it doesn't seem like that long ago that you had to be "old" to have been married that long. Fortunately, I

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1156128113514029162006-08-20T22:40:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:30:16.218-05:00

It used to be that newspapers had these people called "editors". Oh, they still do; but they don't do the same things anymore. This gives them all the more time to make the staff miserable. One of the things that they don't do anymore is read the copy to make sure that it doesn't come across as stupidly as your average Congressional hearing. Sure, that's a tall order, but not as tall as the first

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1155271821385947602006-08-11T00:20:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:29:59.994-05:00

You were late, man, that's all I can say.I haven't seen An Inconvenient Truth, but I plan to. Honest. And you don't have to convince me about global warming; I have a scientific background hidden in my past, and the evidence speaks for itself. I'm not saying that you shouldn't speak it.... I merely observe that you're not always the most electrifying speaker. No offense.But, I'm still going to

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1154152836354344252006-07-29T01:33:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:29:44.258-05:00

(This started out as an innocent piece of commentary on a friend's blog. As my tales usually do, it got out of hand, and I felt compelled to post it here. Because you guys need to read something funny, before any of that "reality" stuff catches up to you)The Eye Wit here....Reminding you to go and read MY blog, www.the-eye-wit.blogspot.com. I'll get motivated to write more entries if more of

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1153981718919877662006-07-27T01:54:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:29:08.663-05:00

Actually, the bizarre fact is that my doctor will believe me.This problem has been nagging me for three weeks, and it simply won't go away. It badgered me all through the performance run of As You Like It. Not that Shakespeare consulted me (the bastard never does); this part, I didn't like. Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of pain.Especially a pain in the neck. Not figuratively in this case, but

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1151788713387674392006-07-01T16:36:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:28:45.377-05:00

Here we are on the verge of July 4. It seems like we did this last year.We didn't do it very well, but that's not the point. This year, the 4th falling on a Tuesday, the "people" have declared it a four-day holiday weekend. Most of these "people" work in the hotel and restaurant business. Also, the prostitution and demolitions industries will make out like bandits, because everyone will be out

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1150473705265499952006-06-16T10:44:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:28:27.792-05:00

(This is a feature I started on another site; however, as the world has continued to get less civil on a minute-by-minute basis, it's obvious that the Eye Wit's work will never be done)People are appalling. This is a general axiom, and one of the most consistent in life. Many people are of the opinion that the purpose of etiquette is to please other people. Balderdash! Its purpose is to give

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1147230889053005212006-05-09T21:02:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:28:06.330-05:00

Most people are fortunate to have one "love of their life". Sadly, many people either don't, or fail to recognize it when the person crosses their life's path. I have the extraordinary blessing of having two.Now, most people might assume that I mean my wife and my daughter. No, I mean it literally: I've had two women who have lifted my heart higher than the sky is high. I'm married to one of them

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1145321844745532822006-04-17T19:51:00.000-04:002006-12-20T23:27:50.915-05:00

My wife's Aunt Lucille died last night. She was 63; she'd been in a nursing home for a few months, on a decline that worldy logic would say should have happened a long time ago."Worldly logic" had very little to do with Lucille.Lucille was my father-in-law's youngest sister. Like him, she was born in a rural Georgia town which, despite the high level of improbably against it, has the same name as

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24165055.post-1142738231990155462006-03-18T21:32:00.000-05:002006-12-20T23:27:33.326-05:00

All of these things are major problems.Some may say that the statement is a vast oversimplification. "It's just not that easy!" they decry. OK, I admit it; it's not that easy. Nevertheless, we spend many of our waking hours trying to do just that: Simplify our lives and convince ourselves that we do, in fact, have some control over our lives and our little piece of the world.This, of course, is

The Eye Withttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04608483523515006027noreply@blogger.com0